i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
