we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
