you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
