You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
