Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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