It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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