hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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