If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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