Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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