My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
