I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
