And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
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We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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