I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
