Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
