Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
