So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
