i'm signing you up for texting rehab
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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