I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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