I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
