I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
