The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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