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we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
