woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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