This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
