i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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