I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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