Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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