This girl is more easily done than said...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
