god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
