last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
