I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
