Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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