I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
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I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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