No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
