I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
