Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
