Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
birth control should be required to get into college
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
