I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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