I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
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You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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