You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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