I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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