she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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