3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
