just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
