he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
