So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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