I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
