The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
