question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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