i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have post one night stand depression
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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