ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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