I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize