I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
