one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
