right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
His nipple licking is glorious
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
