jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
