guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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