god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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