party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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