In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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