I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
