Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
