This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
