Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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