i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
