i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
id be glad to
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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