My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
