Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
