well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
