How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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