I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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