The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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