I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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