Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
