Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
