Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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